WHICH STAGE ARE YOU AT?

Positive divorce ceremonies allow couples to officially separate and consciously transform their relationship. It is not a legally binding ceremony, but a very powerful tool to help you to move on from the past relationship. 

Once we decide to separate, a new set of feelings are present. When we are in the process of losing our relationship, we experience different stages of emotion, as outlined below. This guide may also help you to identify which stage you’re currently in, and when you may be ready to engage a divorce celebrant:

First Stage
Grief

The first stage of a separation is often grief. We have lost so much. We lost our love, our partner, our stability and our hopes for future together. 

Second Stage
Anger

The second stage is often anger. Beyond the grief there is a storm inside. “How dare you take all of these things from me!” This is an important part of the journey and needs to be dealt with in a delicate manner, preferably with the help of an experienced counsellor.

Third Stage
Acceptance

The third stage is acceptance. In this stage we are able to understand that there is an ending to this relationship and we are able to reconcile with our past.

Here is where a separation ceremony takes place.

There is still hurt and anger and sadness, but also respect and gratitude for your journey together. The ceremony will bring forth greater acceptance and joy, so you can both move on with lighter hearts and fresh hopes for a new future.

What is a positive divorce?

Those who decide to have a separation ceremony have a high degree of emotional maturity, great communication skills and are at the “Acceptance stage” of their divorce or separation. The separated couple hold respect for each other and their process.  

I invite you to think of the ways you grew and blossomed in your relationship. I invite you to offer gratitude for the past, because gratitude goes hand in hand with forgiveness and forgiveness leads to resolution. Without resolution, there is no peace and without peace, the relationship hasn’t ended. 

Positive Divorce Separation Ceremonies Northern NSW

THE NATURE OF MARRIAGE

The nature of marriage has changed significantly in the last 50 years. What we expect from marriage these days is very different from the past. We no longer want just a functional, practical union, and from what I observe, love itself is also not enough. Couples I have worked with or interviewed have lots of love for each other, which is why they are able to go through separation in such a beautiful and civilised way.

We still hold our expectations of growing old together, while the reality is different. This places enormous pressure on us when we do separate or divorce. 33% of marriages in Australia end up in a divorce. 

I invite you to view your past relationship as a beautiful experience where you learned a lot about yourself and your partner

I invite you to think of the ways you grew and blossomed in that relationship. I invite you you to offer gratitude for the past, because gratitude goes hand in hand in forgiveness and forgiveness leads to resolution. Without resolution, there is no peace and without peace, the relationship hasn’t ended. 

Positive Separation is Possible

“I would like to help create an alternative to the angry, disconnected divorces. There is a lot of that, and they get a lot more airtime than the quiet, peaceful, amicable ones. I like to share with the world that a different way is possible and that splitting up with consciousness can be beautiful, even with the pain.”

Maira

“I decided to have a separation ceremony to honour our past relationship and clearly mark the transition of our relationship.  It provided a great clarity about where we at now. We both have lots of love for each other, but it was clear this (committed partnership) is not a container for us to share.”

Andrea

“This experience has changed us, we have grown a lot. A break-up offers a profound opportunity to learn to transmute some of the energy of our big emotions into an energy of change and growth. Growth often requires a letting go and a dissolution of ego. The chaos of letting go of all that we have felt identified can feel intensely ‘unstable’. And so I would say support from friends and community can be really crucial so we don’t get stuck in strange loops.”

Barbi

SEPARATION WITH LOVE AND RESPECT

Ceremony most often takes place after a year or more after initial separation. This first year is a great time for professional support by councillors, psychologist or other professionals. 

common questions

Some of my grief ceremonies follow a very strict protocol based on traditional indigenous wisdom.  Divorce ceremony is based on different traditions and practices, including shamanic ceremony, and other knowledge and spiritual insights gathered through my life and studies.

No. I’m a registered ordained minister with the Universal Life church. This means we don’t discriminate any belief system and can perform a range of ceremonies. 

The ceremony is personally tailored and suited to your needs and beliefs.

Yes, children are very welcome and encouraged to attend. I believe it is very important for children to witness their parents in a peaceful separation. Divorce doesn’t need to be a traumatic experience for children. I strongly encourage all parents to have a witnessed separation ceremony where they state their intentions about raising their children and coparenting (when applicable).

There is no set limit from my side. People usually have a ceremony after few years together. It depends on the level of your connectedness together and how much needs to be unravelled. Couples with children or long history are more intertwined and ceremony is more needed. However if you love rituals, you are welcome to do small ceremony  after every short term relationship. It is still very beneficial.

Yes. Because it’s not a legally binding ceremony, you can have a separation ceremony without signing any papers.

We can work with that. Not everyone is comfortable with the ceremony and that’s ok. We can design a special ceremony for a single person, usually surrounded by friends. It’s good to remember you are not separating only from your partner, but also from your own patterns of the relationship. Something on your part didn’t work. What was it? How can you separate from that so you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship.

You have lots of different options here, depending on your cultural background and spiritual beliefs.

I love working with different myths and archetypes and we can enact one that is suited to your needs. I personally love working with Innana, old Summarian story. This can be a very transformative, but intense experience.

Alternatively, you can have a lighter talking circle with offerings and blessing from your girlfriends.

You can sit around the fire and perform a letting go ritual.

You can go to the water falls during the day and perform a cleansing ritual.

You can have a wild party.

In the DIY kit, there is four different options for a ritual, each relating to a different Element. It explains in detail how to go about creating a potent space for transformation and letting go. In my DIY kit I’m offering a more grounded approach to ritual based on a traditional wisdom. 

That is completely up to you. It is very helpful to have an experienced celebrant to hold a space. Lots of emotions and grief can be experienced during the ceremony and it’s important you have someone there for support.

Yes! Divorce celebrant doesn’t hold any legal authority. Only court can legally divorce you. It is your responsibility to organise your divorce documents, including your financial matters and custody of children.

Signing your document can be a very powerful part of the ceremony, specially if you have witnesses. It offers a punctuation on a relationship on many levels. You are also welcome to sigh your documents privately after the ceremony in your own time. You need to judge what timing is best for you. I also have clients who decided to have a separation ceremony, but not sign papers for another few years, because it’s practical as a family unit. Ceremony can be performed long after the official marriage ended if any of the partners still feel that the relationship is not completely closed.

I suggest you have at least two witnesses – one for him, one for her. It gives the ceremony extra weight. However, it is completely up to you, you can choose to have celebrant only, you can do your ceremony only with your partner or you can invite your friends and family. Being witnessed by your loved ones in this hard times is a very powerful, if difficult experience. Having a public ceremony or party takes courage, but it earns you lots of respect and admiration. Not everyone can share their vulnerability publicly. Make sure you have a good and loving support from your loved ones.

Yes. If you need any ideas, you can get a D.I.Y pack in the product menu.

ENQUIRE ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE OR SEPARATION CEREMONY